Saturday, May 28, 2005

I love the "Library Book" quest.

There's this quest, called the "hidden entrance" quest, where you go and retrieve these 11 books, called "Report to Niraltah." You get 1% of your level for 10 of them (1 just gets you a no-drop "Guard Uniform," which might as well be inscribed, "Give this to a town crier immediately.").

Anyway. I love going there, because I absolutely NEVER fight a thing. Why bother? This is a LIBRARY, dammit! You ever seen librarians? They are either:

1. Freaking HAWT (once they take off their glasses, let their hair drop down to their waists, and step into whatever Whitesnake video they're about to be in), or

2. Fat and bearded, like UNIX programmers.

Technically, it's illegal to kill both (although some of the #2 class bring it on themselves).


It's LEGAL to kill librarians in Dereth, though. At least these two kinds in the Library Book quest dungeon:

1. A Tumerok, or
2. A Lugian.

Tumerok Librarian tells you, "QUIET j00 OR YOUR CARD IS REVOKEDZORED!"

Seriously, even for someone like me, that's like 8million XP (just under a mutilator pincer, and more than a Warrior pincer) for about 10 minutes' work, tops.

Except that I take a little more time than that.

I told you, I look at it like a library. So when I run through for the books, I tend to, um, type stuff out (seriously).

==================================
You say, "LIBRARIES ARE JUST PLACES FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE TO B M!"
You say, "THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM SUCKS!"
You say, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M NOT PUTTING THE MAGAZINES BACK ON THEIR PROPER RACK POSITION!"
You say, "OH SURE -- I'D LOVE TO HANDLE BOOKS PREVIOUSLY READ 35 TIMES BY BLUE HAIRED OLD LADIES"
@e knocks over the card cataloge
You say, "WHO THE HELL COMES TO THE LIBRARY ANYMORE? HELLLOOOOOOO? THERE'S THIS THING CALLED THE INTERNET!"
==================================

All of those statements are things I've actually typed out, and spammed, as I run through the quest. Why do I go to the trouble to type them? Look, if you were in a library where the librarians wanted to kill you, wouldn't you finally vent a little?

I know what you're going to say: It's not a library. But when it was first introduced, it was often referred to as the "library book" quest.

So that's what it is.

Besides, I just KNOW I've seen a hottie in the corner, with her hair in a tight bun, wearing oversized glasses. If I keep going there, maybe she'll notice me. :-D

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